The Point of This Blog

When I awoke this morning I began developing ideas for a new blog post. It took five minutes in a state of deep thought before a question occurred to me. What is the main theme of this blog? That question seemed like the one needing asked. But it would still leave some things unsaid. So I dug a little deeper for something a little more revealing. Then it hit me. Who is my audience? Who am I writing to, and, thus, what issues or thoughts do I need to address? The answer I came up with was quite interesting: it doesn’t matter.

First of all, I probably don’t have an audience. I wouldn’t blame anyone for not reading this blog. If I were someone else and had stumbled upon these writings I would have abandoned them a long time ago too.

Second, a blog isn’t meant to conform to any one group of people. What is the point of beginning a blog if I am going to limit it to a predetermined set of people with predetermined interests? It’s like keeping a wild tiger caged up when it should be roaming free. I need to let my writing display my interests. It doesn’t matter how random they may be. Leave the audience that wants a strict subject and theme to their math text books. While they are figuring out the quadratic equation the rest of you will be captivated by my unique style, opinions, and tastes. Yes, you may even be drawn by the randomness of the posts.

However just as there is a danger in letting our hypothetical tiger roam free in New York City, there is a danger in letting my ideas and thoughts run unimpeded throughout the blog. I may find myself pretty popular with some people, but others will hate me for my flippant and whimsical nature. They will call me names. They may say that I am no writer, and may make me feel like dirt. But I will stand my ground and be as fearless as the tiger.

With all that in mind, I have no question to what this blog is about. It isn’t a blog with a single theme for a one-minded kind of people. It is a reflection of my thought, ideas, ramblings, stories, articles, and life experiences. Scraping the corners of my thought and clearing out the cob webs I will show you, in all randomness, what I think. In the end, then, wouldn’t you think that I might actually become predictable? Believing that would be your biggest mistake. As I have already established with one of my best friends: I am unpredictable: be prepared for anything.

I'm Sorry for not Posting Sooner!

Okay, so maybe the title implies that I am making an apology to you, the general reader. Maybe I felt guilty for leaving you all in suspense. This being the case, I determined to write an apology post so that I could receive a warm pat on the back and an, "It's alright," by those dedicated and loyal to me. Before I gag, I think I'll stop right there. By this part of the post I am sure you have begun to realize that I don't intend to apologize to you. It is just simply not the case. "Then," you may ask, "What is the point of this post? Who could you possibly be apologizing to if it isn’t me?" That is a good question and I am sure I will do a horrible job of answering it. But I’ll try anyway. Drum role please...

"I'm sorry, dear writer for not posting sooner." That statement is ambiguous and probably needs further explanation. But first, let’s quickly reflect on the mess I have made thus far. I wrote a whole paragraph explaining what this post wasn't about, lest you be deceived. Then I started the second paragraph-and preferably the last-with a very confusing statement. It not only kept you hanging but has also caused me to write a few more useless sentences in an attempt to "really" explain every thing! Yes, I can empathize with you...this is getting really tiring. Please bear with me, though.

Now for the explanation: what writer is the apology indicating? It is me. Clearly, then, I am apologizing to myself. But why? Doesn't that seem a little Conceited? I mean, who but the stuck up sissy's apologize to themselves. Well, I'll get to that in a minute. First, I need to answer the question, "Why am I apologizing to myself?" I am sorry for not making myself more disciplined. I want to be a writer; I say I love to write, and yet, I am hurting myself immensely by not determining to write at least once a week. This blog is the perfect opportunity for that type of discipline. Not posting, then, probably plays a huge affect in what kind of writer I am and in what kind I become. The less I write, the less comprehendible my writing is, and, thus, the less fun I will have as a writer. For that reason I am sorry. Does it make sense now? If not, then I can't help you. As to the idea of me being a sissy for writing this post…it is only a matter of opinion.

Now that this horrible and long apology is finished I must do something. I must say “sorry,” for the apology. Please don't be too surprised by that last odd statement. Just get used to the fact that you are reading an odd kind of writing from an odd kind of person. So in closing, I’m very sorry whoever you are out there: Interested or (Probably) board reader. I hope the next post better suits your reading tastes.

Just do what needs to be done: The hidden pride behind lack of confidence.

My family and I walked casually up to the Wal-mart checkout counter. I stood innocently by, Oblivious to what was happening around me, resting my hands on the basket. No hidden insight or sixth sense would prepare me for what happened next. My mom turned around and asked if any member of our family would be willing to put a bowl back up. A task awaited my attention. It was simple enough: Locate the aisle of the item in question, put it up, and make my way back to the check-out line. Sadly, however, for me it was not that easy.

As I stood there staring at the bowl, I thought of the most trivial thing. What if I could not find the right aisle? I would walk around looking, for every one to see, like I had no clue what I was doing. Then, beaten and battered, I would drag my humiliated self back to the check-out counter and awkwardly relate my failed attempt to complete a simple full-proof task. Ironically, in conclusion to this seemingly terrifying situation, I took the bowl, easily located its home and made my way back to the counter.

This seems like a ridiculous scenario that could only be made up in a comedy. Who would be afraid to simply take a bowl and put it back where it came from? I was of course. But, why? No confidence? Uncertain? Insecure? All the above. In a moment of pressure I second-guessed my own capabilities.

It sounds as if the unconfident person is the victim. In a moment of weakness he is pounded by the great predator self-doubt. Oh, what a sad thing to witness! How can such a man be saved from this fate, and continue to live his life happy and content. A second glance, however, will show that he is not a victim, but, an offender.

Gazing over the Wal-mart incident, we see that my hesitance to take the bowl was prideful. I was afraid of looking stupid to the world around me! My own ego was more important to me then anything else. I should have remembered what Christ said, “No one can serve two masters; for either he will hate the one and love the other, or he will be devoted to one and despise the other. You cannot serve God and wealth” (Matt, 6:24). In a sense my ego took the place of the word wealth in this passage, and I devoted part of myself to it. At that moment in time, God’s own glory faded in my mind to be replaced by a fear of looking stupid. This was very bad, because we are called to “Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind” (Matt22:37). Nothing else should take His place, especially pride: there is no room for anything or anyone else.

This story is a good lesson for those of us who have a lack of confidence. Through it they can see that though self-doubt may seem innocent enough, it is an act of placing something higher than the love required from us in Matthew 22. It is treason in the worst sense of the word.

What is a good way to fight against this pride? “Seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be added to you” (Matt 6:33). God needs to become the first and ultimate focus. Read his words in Scripture and follow them whole heartedly, seeking only to shine the light of His glory to all men. Once your gaze has been locked upon God, your fear of looking stupid will vanish, and taking a bowl back to its aisle will be a cinch.

The next time you feel hesitant to do something because you doubt your own ability, realize that you may very well be putting God on the back burner and betraying the love that you owe him. Love the lord your God with all your heart, put your full focus on Him, forget about your own glory, put your confident in Christ, and do what needs to be done.

“Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us.” (Hebrews 12:1)

Lucy

She is a nice enough individual with good intentions. Yet, her ponderous gate and tendency to run into doors reveals her to be a clumsy, oblivious character.

Her apparel consists of a dark, dust-covered coat worn at all times of the day. The only noise she ever makes is a low groan or high-pitched wine. Most people are sympathetic to her condition, but some, like me, ridicule and banter her daily. She does not do well to criticism; she loves praise; and she’ll be joyful and kind to any person in the world.

People love it when they see Lucy. She is fun to be around (Most of the time). Do not put her in a room with a vacuum, though. She will go ballistic. She squishes her-self into little corners and lays there as if she will blend into the wall. When I vacuum, the temptation to chase her is too great. As I move in her direction, she tenses up. I make a quick run for her. She is way too quick for her size. She jumps up and begins to run franticly away from her tormenter. Mercy is not on my schedule. I continue to chase her, forcing her to fit in to tight places only a mouse should be made to fit in. She must have some form of super power. She walks through walls, fits underneath couch cushions and does so many feats worthy of praise. I have not to this day been able to catch her with the vacuum.

The one thing that primary sets her apart from others of her kind is here awkwardness. She will not eat her food until she is the only being in the room (Not including her buddy Ritz). She will stand by the back porch door and stare inside. If a car passes by she will bark at it while continue to stare into the house, as if she is doing here job as guard dog. If she were working for cash she would be fired.

Besides all of her flaws she is still a smart dog, in her own little way. She is kind and loving. She rarely complains—only when I have my foot on her head. She is all-around an interesting and amusing Character in my life. She is our family dog.

12 days

I spent twelve days on a diet limited to only a few types of foods: white meat, whole wheat pasta, brown rice, beans and a small variety of vegetables. Though the food was not all that tasty, it satisfied my hunger.

People have a tendency to eat food which is airy and full of sugar. They normally over eat, and are rarely satisfied with themselves after a meal. In their mind, they are feeding their bodies what they think it needs. Really, they are only giving themselves unneeded fat, and sugar. It leaves them unsatisfied and desiring more food more frequently. My diet threw away the sugary and fatty foods like bread, bacon, chips, pizza, jelly ect… and took on foods which have more nutritional value and are more fulfilling. They give what the body needs: nourishment and a full stomach. As I went through this diet I became weary of the foods I had to eat. My mind became filled with thoughts of jelly sandwiches, hamburgers, tacos, pizza, bacon, and sausage. I wanted to find good taste in my food. After the diet I learned the hard way that the “good taste” I was looking for was not worth the trouble I had to go through to get it. On Saturday, my first day free from the diet, I pigged out on pizza. On Sunday afternoon, I ate two large sandwiches, and, in the evening, I ate too many chips. The more I ate the more I wanted and yet, I was not being satisfied. Eventually I came to a realization: I was not going to get fulfilled. Only after comparing the experiences of eating healthy food and the experience of eating less fulfilling foods did I realize how great the diet was. I attained a new appreciation for the foods my diet incorporated.

There is a great biblical truth within this little diet escapade: God is the only true fulfillment in life.

Eating the healthy food on the twelve day diet is like relying on God for fulfillment, and eating the fatty sugary foods is like relying on the world for fulfillment. Imagine a person pursuing God for twelve days. As he pursues the all powerful creator, he begins to feel a joy and fulfillment come over him. It is like nothing he has ever felt before. After a few days of relying only on God, he begins to look back at his previous life and its contents. He thinks of playing video games, hanging out with friends, indulging in crude jokes, watching his favorite television show, and essentially living a life where God is absent. For some reason, though he is already getting what he needs by relying on God for fulfillment, a desire comes over him to go back to that life he was living. After surviving the twelve days he gave himself to rely only on God, immediately, he begins to indulge in the things of the world. He plays a few hours of video games, says a really good crude joke, and proceeds to satisfy his worldly desires. Before he knows it the day has come to an end, and he realizes that it was a waste. He isn’t feeling fulfilled; in fact, he is really disappointed with himself. What is the moral of the story? God is man’s only true fulfillment; the world is not. Only after actively pursuing God and finding long lasting fulfillment in Him will we realize how truly empty the world is.

A long time ago I was doing a catechism with my brother. The catechism asked me a very important question: What is man’s primary purpose? The answer was this: To glorify God and enjoy him forever. It is only logical that “what man was created to do” is “what fulfills him”. We were created to Glorify God. In glorifying Him we are going to be fulfilled. God made us in his image. He created us with a capacity to think rationally. Because we can think rationally, we should realize that we were created, and are subject to glorify and enjoy the creator, finding fulfillment only in Him. You have a choice to make. the world is passing away and the enjoyments we find in it. But the Lord God almighty will never pass away.

Will you choose a degenerating world or the never changing all satisfying God? The world presents a temporary, non-lasting and unsatisfying pleasure. God presents a lasting and wonderful fulfillment:
“For all that is in the world, the lust of the flesh and the lust of the eyes and the boastful pride of life, is not from the Father, but is from the world. The world is passing away, and also its lusts; but the one who does the will of God lives forever.”(1 John, 2:16-17).

He Hides a Smiling Face

"Behind a frowning providence He hides a smiling face.” William Cowper, a great influential poet, led a life of internal torment and suffering. In the last hours of his seemingly fruitless life he could not find the assurance of faith that he sought. Because of his doubts, Cowper drew closer and clung more tightly to God. God also used this afflicted life to encourage the believer to reject selfishness, embrace the sanctifying work of the Lord, and serve Him with great passion and joy. As we look at these things we see that within the poet’s suffering there is a loving and merciful hidden smile of God.

In the Hidden Smile of God, John Piper explains how Cowper's suffering was beneficial to him: “What makes it so relevant for Cowper’s condition is Herbert’s insight into how God, at times, withholds a rest from our soul, not to make us miserable, but that restlessness may toss us to his breast.” William’s suffering was a way of drawing him to God. He no longer relied on himself or his world, which seemed to be falling in around him, but on the one true God.

How can a believer benefit by dwelling on a life like Cowper’s filled with internal, spiritual battles; several attempts at suicide; and a death without hope of salvation? Studying the life of Cowper, who suffered so much, is an important habit for believers. Understanding his suffered reproaches, persecutions, and yet his continual praise and obedience to God is an illustration for believers to exemplify. It gives the believer zeal to look outside of himself and his own sufferings and to, instead, do good to all men in the name of the Lord. Benjamin Brook made this very point:

“Of all the books which can be put into your hands,
those which relate the labors and suffering of good
men are the most interesting and instructive. In them
you see orthodox principles, Christian tempers, and
holy duties in lovely union and in vigorous operation.
In them you see religion shining forth in real life,
Subduing the corruptions of human nature, and inspiring
A zeal for every good work.”

Though William Cowper suffered because of his faith, his life was very benficial. He adorned the doctrine of God with the fidelity of his life. His steadfastness through suffering sweetened and intensified the song of his faith. We are commanded by the bible to imitate those who through faith and patience inherited the promises. We can only do this once we have read their stories.

Another benefit of Cowper’s suffering is the powerful words of his God centered poems and hymns. “Cowper today is still touching the hearts of thousands who know nothing of him at all, simply because, in worship, they sing his hymns “There Is a Fountain filled with Blood,” “O for a Closer Walk with God,” and “God Moves in a Mysterious Way.” As William suffered he was drawn to God. He, then, began to write Hymns of wonderful spiritual significance. These Poetical songs are encouragement for many Christians who are, as Piper said, being touched by Cowper simply because, in worship, they sing his hymns.

William Cowper’s life should be an example to the Christian on how he should look at his salvation. The Christian should constantly look at himself with a critical spiritual microscope to determine if he is in the faith. Many people will go through what they call the Christian walk. “Their assurance, however, is not based upon truth. Despite their veneer of righteousness and obedience to God’s commands, Jesus reserves his most withering words for them, such as ‘son of hell’ and ‘how will you escape being condemned to hell?” Donald S. Whitney in How Can I Be Sure I’m A Christian describes a very scary thought: A person may live what he thinks is the Christian life and yet be “condemned to hell.” So it is important for the Christian to test himself to see if he is in the faith.

Cowper was the recipient of much good through his suffering. Each moment of persecution that he went through was one less moment of selfishness, and one more moment for him to draw closer to God. Cowper is an encouragement for believers today. Through his life, he encourages believers to continue on steadfastly in their faith even in the most trying times. Truly behind the frowning providence of William Cowper’s life there sits the merciful, smiling face of God.