My family and I walked casually up to the Wal-mart checkout counter. I stood innocently by, Oblivious to what was happening around me, resting my hands on the basket. No hidden insight or sixth sense would prepare me for what happened next. My mom turned around and asked if any member of our family would be willing to put a bowl back up. A task awaited my attention. It was simple enough: Locate the aisle of the item in question, put it up, and make my way back to the check-out line. Sadly, however, for me it was not that easy.
As I stood there staring at the bowl, I thought of the most trivial thing. What if I could not find the right aisle? I would walk around looking, for every one to see, like I had no clue what I was doing. Then, beaten and battered, I would drag my humiliated self back to the check-out counter and awkwardly relate my failed attempt to complete a simple full-proof task. Ironically, in conclusion to this seemingly terrifying situation, I took the bowl, easily located its home and made my way back to the counter.
This seems like a ridiculous scenario that could only be made up in a comedy. Who would be afraid to simply take a bowl and put it back where it came from? I was of course. But, why? No confidence? Uncertain? Insecure? All the above. In a moment of pressure I second-guessed my own capabilities.
It sounds as if the unconfident person is the victim. In a moment of weakness he is pounded by the great predator self-doubt. Oh, what a sad thing to witness! How can such a man be saved from this fate, and continue to live his life happy and content. A second glance, however, will show that he is not a victim, but, an offender.
Gazing over the Wal-mart incident, we see that my hesitance to take the bowl was prideful. I was afraid of looking stupid to the world around me! My own ego was more important to me then anything else. I should have remembered what Christ said, “No one can serve two masters; for either he will hate the one and love the other, or he will be devoted to one and despise the other. You cannot serve God and wealth” (Matt, 6:24). In a sense my ego took the place of the word wealth in this passage, and I devoted part of myself to it. At that moment in time, God’s own glory faded in my mind to be replaced by a fear of looking stupid. This was very bad, because we are called to “Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind” (Matt22:37). Nothing else should take His place, especially pride: there is no room for anything or anyone else.
This story is a good lesson for those of us who have a lack of confidence. Through it they can see that though self-doubt may seem innocent enough, it is an act of placing something higher than the love required from us in Matthew 22. It is treason in the worst sense of the word.
What is a good way to fight against this pride? “Seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be added to you” (Matt 6:33). God needs to become the first and ultimate focus. Read his words in Scripture and follow them whole heartedly, seeking only to shine the light of His glory to all men. Once your gaze has been locked upon God, your fear of looking stupid will vanish, and taking a bowl back to its aisle will be a cinch.
The next time you feel hesitant to do something because you doubt your own ability, realize that you may very well be putting God on the back burner and betraying the love that you owe him. Love the lord your God with all your heart, put your full focus on Him, forget about your own glory, put your confident in Christ, and do what needs to be done.
“Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us.” (Hebrews 12:1)
